AM i fine ??

I spend most of my time in one room asking myself "Am I fine?" Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it's no Other times, I like to think that I'm just pretending to be fine when all the world around me moves forward with their work and their lives and their air to breathe. Sometimes its looks like the sky is bright blue and it makes me paint a rainbow across it. Sometimes it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel has forgotten its way to me and I'm in a train that's headed nowhere. Sometimes it looks like I am the light. Sometimes I look at the ceiling, how the lights got there and who was stupid enough to plant lights over someone's head? Sometimes I feel my intestines in a knot and ready to be plopped out of my mouth at any second, Sometimes the windows are shut tightly by the air itself and I don't get to breathe anymore, or even suffocate. Sometimes I fly out of the room like I have a home somewhere outside this world Sometimes the answer is a simple yes, while I pretend to like my existence and prove to myself why I'm not a waste of tissues and cells and muscles and other anatomy stuff .Sometimes the answer is a simple no and I let myself be vulnerable to all the mistakes and the stupid ideas I had and the thoughts I pulled out into the pensieve that scarred the people who saw it . Sometimes the answer is lost into the wind creeping in through the open window and I just look at it while crying with a smile on my face, waiting for it to find an appropriate enough soul to feed its sufficiency to. I look while the wires in my mind slowly unwind and I have no way of escaping them. Sometimes I lie down and pretend I don't need an answer to this mind-numbingly stupid question. Am i fine ??