GUILT

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Some mistakes are always lethal. Even if you wonder about different dimensions where you could do things, you’d think that you would not make the same mistake in this particular alternate universe. But you end up doing the same thing every single time. You are so used to living with that mistake that you want to take it to your subconscious and portray it in other worlds.

These are the mistakes that leave you on the ground begging for more of your own conscious to fill you up so you can feel something other than guilt. But you don’t. The only thing you do feel is sorry for yourself and your stupid mistakes. Your brain is on fire thinking about what you did and the guilt won’t leave you alone. It encircles me and guides me to the endless pit of hopelessness. I dive in and let myself forget that this world has other things in it than my eternal damnation.


I don’t want to forget that but my lethal mistake will convince me to. This time I want to control my mind and tell it to stop giving me a hard time because I have had enough of this torment. I did all I could to protect myself from my demons but they only grew bigger. They changed their size and dug their way into my sanity. So my demons live deeper within my soul and my soul is darker than any charcoal you would have witnessed. You couldn’t see them even if you looked closely into my eyes they would speak a thousand words to you but they will leave out one detail. And that is that I am not to be defined by my mistakes, no matter how guilty I feel. And that is ALL the time.

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