backdoor

-
you give me reasons to walk away and I stay anyway. I stand in the middle of the aisle that leads to the exit so you can’t leave either. But you did. .
Maybe I was desperate for something. I was asking for something that could make me feel all sorts of things. Things that made me stronger and weaker at the same time but also invincible. .
You brought these things to me in packages that I could hold in just one hand while holding yours with the other. .
I was invincible but not alone and I didn’t want that. I refused to let myself believe that I couldn’t live without someone. I found out later that my refusal does not affect the reality.
.
How do you know when you’re in love? Is it by the click of a switch in your head? Or is it a certain smile that makes you smile too? Maybe the diligent but futile effort to keep them out of your mind.
. 
How do you know that what you’re doing for someone isn’t out of human courtesies but something deeper than all courtesies combined? .
I didn’t have the luxury to think about this so I kept staying, standing on the way to the exit. I failed to see the backdoor.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I am tired

-
   I am not the hero of this story anymore. Sometimes none of us are. The days of an unparalleled feeling of feeling shit — keep hitting me every day. Look at me, please, will you? I am 20 or 19 or 21 — damn I can not remember how long I have been alive and for how long I lived. Look at me anyway — I have accepted defeat. There's only a burden out here inside my head that wakes up with me and then can not sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep: oh I don't remember when I slept last time; who does? My generation of broken romantics and dorks and creeps and intellectuals and whatever or whoever remains — we have outlived our grief. We text when we don't want to talk; we rant about everything that merely matters and hide about everything that greatly kills; our breakfasts are shorter than our breath cycles. Always scared; no background music to elevate our emotions — a depressed damned nation of youngsters. Don't tell me to hope and dream and whatever cluster-heck of part-time motivat
Read more

10:56

-
 At 11:56 PM, you lit a cigarette. You waited for 5 hours — someone will text. There's Instagram and there's Snapchat. The WhatsApp icon with it's Chris Hemsworth Jawline-like Phone symbol isn't ringing. You have stayed up this late and you have already followed all the rules that 700 self-help books and Andrew Tate told you in his Billion Dollar accent — "The trick to impress everyone". It should have worked by now. Someone should have asked you about your dinner plans and if you like to watch rains. The girl you threw a candy bar at in highschool is getting married and she hasn't invited you - but that was before you learnt to become Alpha. You are now cool. The Heath Ledger. You have checked your phone 78 times now and your mother has called you 50 times and your dad is tired of you tiring your mother who is tired because you are tired. So you light another cigarette and you stand in your balcony and watch a dusty city rusting itself under the spit of i
Read more

I don't fit anywhere !!

-
Image
Just another day ! just another thought !  Oh , i don't  fit in anywhere ! Neither do the exclamation marks marks in most of my sentence!! In a world full of people trying to make  a living , i am still not sure  what make me  fell alive !!!! In a road full of people rushing off to work ,  i am still not sure where  i want to rush to !!!! In a life full of events i am still not sure how to happy i am !! Nothing really make sense ,  i am real misfit in a world  that  claims to be sorted !!! And  i wonder how the world claims to have been so easily sorted when i still don't have words to express how  unsorted i am!!!!  Oh , i really think  I don't  fit anywhere !!!!!!
Read more