backdoor

-
you give me reasons to walk away and I stay anyway. I stand in the middle of the aisle that leads to the exit so you can’t leave either. But you did. .
Maybe I was desperate for something. I was asking for something that could make me feel all sorts of things. Things that made me stronger and weaker at the same time but also invincible. .
You brought these things to me in packages that I could hold in just one hand while holding yours with the other. .
I was invincible but not alone and I didn’t want that. I refused to let myself believe that I couldn’t live without someone. I found out later that my refusal does not affect the reality.
.
How do you know when you’re in love? Is it by the click of a switch in your head? Or is it a certain smile that makes you smile too? Maybe the diligent but futile effort to keep them out of your mind.
. 
How do you know that what you’re doing for someone isn’t out of human courtesies but something deeper than all courtesies combined? .
I didn’t have the luxury to think about this so I kept staying, standing on the way to the exit. I failed to see the backdoor.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10:56

-
 At 11:56 PM, you lit a cigarette. You waited for 5 hours — someone will text. There's Instagram and there's Snapchat. The WhatsApp icon with it's Chris Hemsworth Jawline-like Phone symbol isn't ringing. You have stayed up this late and you have already followed all the rules that 700 self-help books and Andrew Tate told you in his Billion Dollar accent — "The trick to impress everyone". It should have worked by now. Someone should have asked you about your dinner plans and if you like to watch rains. The girl you threw a candy bar at in highschool is getting married and she hasn't invited you - but that was before you learnt to become Alpha. You are now cool. The Heath Ledger. You have checked your phone 78 times now and your mother has called you 50 times and your dad is tired of you tiring your mother who is tired because you are tired. So you light another cigarette and you stand in your balcony and watch a dusty city rusting itself under the spit of i...
Read more

I don't fit anywhere !!

-
Image
Just another day ! just another thought !  Oh , i don't  fit in anywhere ! Neither do the exclamation marks marks in most of my sentence!! In a world full of people trying to make  a living , i am still not sure  what make me  fell alive !!!! In a road full of people rushing off to work ,  i am still not sure where  i want to rush to !!!! In a life full of events i am still not sure how to happy i am !! Nothing really make sense ,  i am real misfit in a world  that  claims to be sorted !!! And  i wonder how the world claims to have been so easily sorted when i still don't have words to express how  unsorted i am!!!!  Oh , i really think  I don't  fit anywhere !!!!!!
Read more

Last

-
To an old friend who no longers talks with me,⠀ ⠀ We were 12 when we first talked about our crushes, and 14 when we first talked about a heartbreak. Your hand cradled around my chest with the utmost honesty. There was this pain in your voice, that made me want to split open earth. I remember the way your tears rested on my shirt buttons — almost sad, almost broken. We were 6 when we would run around the society building, wearing torn capris and holed Tees. The weird games we would play — the garage walls never growing tired of our giggles as we play another game of hiding and seek at 8 p.m.⠀ ⠀ “You are too bad at hiding. I will always find you”, you'd say. I remember the taste of an afternoon lemonade being squeezed by our dusty hands after a game of cricket. You always had a way with games. You'd never lose. Your way of escaping out of the slimmest of positions — always the winning move. Perhaps, that's how you learned to run away too. ⠀ ⠀ I miss you, a lot more than I cou...
Read more