SPACE ??

Hearts don’t have windows. You can’t look into someone and peek into their soul that easily. You can’t look at someone and think you know them. You can never know them. 
You can’t peek into a conversation and try to find the connection that you want. There is not a single person who would want to be with you if you force them to.
But connections are under-rated. They just walk up to you with a hesitating question and a half-smile. They crawl in your phone with a ‘Hi’. Connections sing to you from neighbouring balconies and sometimes tease you with your fears. They come to you with common hatreds and music tastes.
They are not an accessory that you can build with a string and a few beads. Not a luxury that has its owner relaxed and privileged.
You don’t appreciate when you have them. You need space. Space is another luxury that convinces you that you’re sensible enough to handle yourself.
It’s an illusion and when that turns to loneliness, you can’t hold your own hand and see your own worth all the time. You can’t keep repeating the same self-love that got you here in the first place.
All that self-love without doubt is nothing. Unless you doubt yourself and bring your own thoughts into dust, you can’t rebuild them stronger than ever.
All the self-love in the world cannot save you from your depression. Depression is numb and lifeless and hopeless and you know it isn’t going away with just one session of laughter. 
You know that it’s going to be with you till you breathe your existence in you. Till you tie your tongue with that negativity. Till you stop avoiding hurt.
You will never know what kind of hurt is waiting for you outside. There’s no window that lets you look. 
You just walk out the door without knowing. With your doubts and fears lingering and your faith shivering. With your door and your eyes wide open. 
And with your window-less whole broken heart still beating for you, still on your sleeve.