Respond

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 I know you want to talk to me too. I know you’re desperate to say something to me when I talk to you about how my day was. Or how the people in my life are treating me.

I somehow blamed it all on you but it’s not your fault. I still tell you about my feelings. These bare feelings without any stains on them. No distractions from them. All these bare feelings pointing straight towards you. 
I talk to you like you’re in front of me. I’m exhausted by the one-sided conversations and the smell of your house still stuck on my nose. I’m exhausted by your smile on my lips and your words eating away at my brain.

I want it to end. I want the voices in my head to stop asking me about you. I need the roads leading home to stop reminding me of you. I need the stories to stop somehow making their way to yours.

All my stories lead to you. All my words are yours. All my acts claim to be your result. All the bare feelings convincing people that I’m vulnerable, they’re all because of you.

I’m not vulnerable, not anymore. I never would admit that I’m weak but I was for a long time. For a long time, it was because of you. But now that I’m strong again, it’s all you.

You’re more than these songs and voice notes and movies and stories. You’re worse than nightmares and ghosts and heartbreaks. You’re better than stars and walks and a good laughter. You’re the stain on my feelings.

I probably won’t write to you anymore. Mostly because it’s the same thing over and over again. But I might still write for you. I don’t let go easy.

I don’t let things pass and I don’t want to let you pass. I don’t work on a lot of one-sided conversations but you were always an exception.

So maybe, don’t respond. Stay away and I’ll still have you with me.💓3000

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